good evening dear ones…
I’m going to attempt to describe what I am experiencing here..
My Mother is still holding onto Life – 6 weeks after becoming a Hospice patient,
and probably years after having Stage 5 Cancer. She had closed her eyes and gone into what seemed like a Coma for a few days last week, and Hospice decided it was time to move in 24/7 as they determined she was actively dying.
She cannot drink or eat, cannot swallow, as her throat has tightened up and the cancer
has taken over. So they stop all food and drink, as her wish was NOT to have intervention, not to have feeding tubes, but to die naturally. She is not struggling, not in any pain, and totally comfortable.. what a blessing that is.
Then, out of nowhere, just when we thought we’d never see her eyes again, this past weekend she started opening up her eyes! It’s been 4 days of this now. She seems to have some remarkable strength, a deep Will to live, and still some ability to control her focus, and her eye lids, and she is communicating with only her eyes and by blinking. The rest of her body is stiff as a board, with every bone, every muscle, taught and tight and contracted. The Hospice staff keep saying what an amazingly strong mom we have. We keep saying she doesn’t want to leave the party.. and she has always gotten every last drop out of Life.
She is so close to dying, and yet so conscious. This experience is miraculous, to be sitting by her and have her eyes roll around, drift around, and then all of a sudden, an intelligence and power focuses those eyes, and she looks right through you, beaming her love so purely, without any words, without anything else needed to be said. Her eyes simply say, I Love You… I really love you, and it feels like an arrow shooting through my heart.
It is SO PURE. It is sitting in the true energy of a Mother’s love, and a mother’s sadness to say goodbye.
Her tragically sad eyes also speak of a broken heart that is leaving us. There are times when she looks so scared in her eyes, with the eyes of a young child, fearful of going somewhere that is unknown. I ask her if she is scared. She blinks, and wells up with tears. It is heartbreaking. I tell her my belief, that I know she is going to be all right, that I know she is going to a better place than this dying body that holds her. And I say, this is terribly SAD.. but we will always talk with her in our dreams, and in our heart. She wells up again with more tears. She trusts me, I know that. But the pain of leaving is brutally real, and final.
This is the way everyone should leave this plane.. staring into the eyes of their loved ones,
telling them silently with all their power that they mean the world to them, that they are so grateful to love so deeply. And everyone should have the chance to receive a moment that is so precious like that. It is as powerful an experience as I’ve ever had.
I learned a lot about being a loving Parent from my Mother.. someone who loves their child no matter what. Now I’m learning how to just Love. Pure, and simple. And everlasting.
wow – what an experience to be here. What a gift my Mother keeps giving us.
We are exhausted, drained and saturated.. and yet, are amazed at this unique
moment in time with our Mother.
With great love, and in awe for what LIFE can bring us,